by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Sep 25, 2017 | Life Lessons
I’ve never been a huge one for journaling. Infact way back in High School the only subject I ever really loved was Drama and I still managed to get an average mark because I couldn’t keep up a weekly entry. Although I did go through a couple of teenage years keeping my deepest darkest secrets locked up in a little book. That was until I realized my little brother (and probably my mother) were keeping tabs on what I was writing. Now when I blog, which is not that often, I hope that I come from a place of wisdom and understanding and that my readers can relate. Not much seems to be private these days. Running a business that requires so much online presence and a support group for gastrectomy patients most of my exterior life is already exposed. But not many people see the inner life that goes on within me everyday. My true nature, my authentic self, the parts of me which are vulnerable and must stay protected. My words are not just words, they are are like fine cracks in which the light from the inside can shine out.
I was walking through the second hand store on Saturday looking for a good book to get stuck into. I love the smell of old books and the way they feel in my hands. An entirely new adventure or avenue of learning just waiting in between those pages. What I found so hard was finding one that grabbed my attention. So many books, so many words and so many of them the same. In the end at $2 an adventure who cares if I don’t finish it right? Unfortunately, I am not that girl. Once I have committed to something I like to see it through to the very end.
How do you know when you are at the very end of something? A book is easy because you turn the last page and there are no more words to read. Life, however is very different. Six years ago, just prior to getting stomach cancer I was in a very deep dark place in my life. My inner world was conflicted and consumed with a lot of negative emotion. I had been there before many times during my life, all with different degrees of trauma. Parts of me were so consumed with darkness that I could not see a way out. At the time I didn’t realize that this was all part of my initiation to ‘awakening’. I could transmute this negative situation or I could just leave and try again in my next life. So like the hero in all those books, I traveled through the darkest caves, fought the hardest fights, grieved and cried rivers of tears and came out the other side bloody, scared and exhausted. But what happens to the hero once they come out victorious? I can tell you from experience, that’s when the real work starts.
Something always prompts me to blog and this is no exception. About four weeks ago I chose to end a journey in my life. This was by no means a reactive decision, more an accumulation of years of learning and a general sense that it was time to move to a new adventure. I truly feel that for this part of my life I have been given enough tools to go it alone. Its like having all those hours of driving experience with someone sitting in the passenger seat and now, with my full license, I can hit the open road and see how far it takes me. A very important trigger to making this decision was brought on by a situation in which I found myself experiencing some of that very old pre-cancer emotion. Yes, I picked up a book I had read before and I did not want to read it again! The process that went on in my head, heart and my body took two weeks to work through. You see, I already knew the end result of that experience and I had no desire to go back there.
Part of me had to revisit not only the experience but also how I responded. After investing in years of self development classes I was certain that those emotions had been released from my body and was very surprised when they surfaced again. This also made me start to think about the teachers in my life. Not just the physical teachers, the lessons that keep crossing my path until I change direction. When I was 3 years old I started classical ballet lessons. I continued to dance for thirteen years and was one exam away from reaching the top level of the Cecchetti method when, at sixteen years old, I twisted my ankle so badly it put an end to my dancing career.
My ballet instructor was an exceptional teacher and I expect I was also an excellent student. Although she never made me feel that way. If I was doing everything right but there was one time I didn’t turn out my leg, she would find fault with that one turn. I would dance until I was exhausted and if you weren’t ready to put 110% into each and every class, it was better to not turn up at all. For years I yearned for her approval and praise. She obviously saw the potential in me, but never encouraged me with positive words or recognition. In order to push me to grow she constantly pointed out my flaws and I never wanted to let her down. I didn’t realize it at the time but instead of finding a new teacher and standing in my integrity, I opted out by stepping in a big hole at school and tore the ligaments off my ankle.
Finding a mentor or going through an experience that consistently focuses on the negative aspects of yourself is not always a good thing. Growing into myself has been hard work and lets face it there are already so many voices in your own head without someone else adding in their opinions. There is a fine balance between recognizing that within yourself that needs to be transmuted and that which you need to accept and move on. So how do you know when its time to end a part of your journey? Its actually easier to recognize than what you think. It may not always be something you see, but it is something that you feel. When you start to hide parts of yourself that you no longer want to share. When you begin to move away from your authentic self to please others. When you start to feel resentment from what was once heart felt advice. When you start to find distractions and excuses to avoid what used to take up a lot of your time and energy. That’s when you know it is time. However finding the courage to move out of your discomfort is another story for another day.
Honor the teachers in your life, good and bad because they all provide experiences and opportunity to grow. I have no idea what lays ahead of me but I know I am standing in my power. I am armed with knowledge, experience and wisdom. Whatever life throws at me now I know I am not going to be that girl that falls in a hole ever again. If you are a person that wants to inspire others, then you must be inspiring. If you want to help others then you must be authentic. If you want to stand in your power, then you must action your words. If you want to grow you must be prepared to face your fears. Embrace the shadow side of yourself and be prepared for some resistance. If you want to help the world then start with yourself.
Remember the end of one journey is just an opportunity for the beginning of another.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Sep 23, 2016 | Life Lessons
An opportunity to grow. A second chance to embrace a life I once very much took for granted. A time to connect with others that share similar stories to my own, and a time to grieve all those new friends that haven’t been as lucky as I have. I don’t know why I survived and they didn’t. I cry for their partners, their children and their families but I know, given the chance, they would all want me to live the life I have been blessed with. I never thought that this is what my soul path would look like. I never thought I would be here in this moment, sitting in a plane. Im on my way home with my family after having the opportunity to create some wonderful memories.
As with most people, life goes on and people busy themselves again with work, family and friends, but for those that experience massive trauma something on the inside changes. Only those that go through this transition truly understand the cosmic collision of reality and the illusion of life that is sometimes played out like a Hollywood movie. Drama becomes trivial and we no longer care for those that create it. Only true friendships remain after the storm, and new relationships are based on wisdom, experience and clarity. The veils are lifted and what is left is a stark new reality of how those who have experienced trauma choose to live.
Take a tsunami as an example. The wave is a huge gush of emotion, it totally wipes just about everything out. Everyone rallies right after the disaster. Relief teams comes flooding in from everywhere to help. The people feel very cared for and supported, but it is short lived relief. After a time facilities have been put in place so people leave and get on with their lives. They are initially impacted by the tragedy but their own personal lives pretty much go on the same. However the people hit by the tsunami must rebuild. They must grief friends and family they may have lost. They have not only the practical to implement, some may even reassess their entire belief system. After all, what type of God would cause this much devastation in a persons life?
Rebuilding your mind, body and spirit takes time. Through personal experience I can tell you it takes years. You are left raw and vulnerable and grieving so many things that sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. You have no choice but to change. I don’t expect others to understand or respect the decisions I make. My decision making can sometimes be viewed upon as cold and unforgiving but I am neither. I make decisions based on my circumstances to forge boundaries and protect myself. I can only do this with the information and knowledge that I have in front of me. Tomorrow may bring new light to situations and as a person with integrity I will accept my indeficiencies as a human being and search for forgiveness if I have made mistakes. My health is and always will be a fine balance. My philosophy is simple. Treat me with kindness and understanding and I will show you the same respect.
We all have a story, and we all manage to survive it in our own way. The last five years have been tough. Financially, medically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It has redefined who I am. I have stepped into the person I was always supposed to be and it has been one tough initiation. So now I look to a future without fear of failure. For there is no such thing, only another day to begin again.
Michelle
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Sep 12, 2015 | Life Lessons
I have long forgotten asking the Universe why things happen the way they do. I never project too far into the future because I am never sure what is around the corner for me, so I live my days as much in the moment as I can and surround myself with those that I love.
What I do know is life is so fragile and can change at any moment. We all have to ride the waves and our attitudes define who we become on the other side of our experiences. Then you have those defining moments in which your life will never be the same again. Through my own experience, I have learned than sometimes when we take too long to make decisions the Universe makes them for us. It can shake us down to our very core and be excruciatingly painful both physically and mentally. It makes us reevaluate who we are, why we are here, what we want and what we are supposed to be doing on this crazy planet.
Pain makes the world stop. You look around a world which was normal the day before and yet it now seems so far from the truth we wonder how people can carry on without noticing. Its like all of a sudden we wake up and everyone else seems to be sleepwalking. The shift in us can be so great that it can change the course of who we are and where we thought we were going.
Just as our bodies become sensitive and cannot longer tolerate certain foods over time, it becomes the same with people and situations. For a time we still eat things knowing that we are going to pay for them later. Over time our tolerance levels get lower and lower until our bodies immediately reject or react to something that it doesn’t like. As we become more and more aware of ourselves the same things happen in our relationships. That old friendship circle maybe tolerable for a while, but then you will find you become less and less like the people you once called friends. Socializing with them will become so unappealing that the only logical thing to do is to move away from it. Friends will change, relationships will change, jobs will change as each one no longer is a reflection of you. This then has to be replaced with something new, which is another entirely different blog for another day.
During my recovery a few things stood out that were glaringly obvious. I discovered the people that really cared, and the ones that just said they did. I noticed the people that I could have genuine meaningful conversations with and those that were transparent and shallow. The kindness of strangers restored my faith in humanity and those I thought would support me during my illness are the ones that disappointed me the most. I learned never to underestimate the power of kindness and who I should spend my most precious gift of time on.
All I know is I am wide ‘AWAKE’ and working my way towards becoming an ‘ENLIGHTENED’ being. After all, we are all headed in the same direction, I just prefer to do it with humor and a light heart.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 12, 2015 | Cancer, Life Lessons, Stomach Cancer
“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
We strive so hard as humans to be happy, spending so much time trying to fill the void. We go to work, build our nests, take vacations. It is almost impossible not to feel like a hamster going around a wheel sometimes. ‘Ground Hog Day’ for those that can remember that classic early 90’s film. A year passes, two years pass then all of a sudden it’s ten. Time has a way of flying and before you know it you are standing there middle aged looking at your life. If you are lucky you may feel somewhat pleased at the job, house, car or family you have surrounded yourself with, but chances are you might be one of those people who are thinking “Well, this didn’t quite work out how I planned it”.
Everyone has problems; I have never met a person without one. The degree of those problems and how you handle them however is measured by the amount of personal shit you have had to endure. The type of person you become is molded by how you get through them. I remember when my brother’s girlfriend was killed in a car accident. I was in my early 20’s and worked at a sports store at the time. I remember looking at customers who took hours pondering over a pair of shoes. I honestly couldn’t believe that someone could waste so much time and energy on something so trivial. It really shook me up and put my life into perspective.
I have had people through my life that have made their problems their armour. Instead of walking through the fire and becoming an inspiration to others they have chosen to be victims and have spiralled downwards into alcoholic or drug induced depression. It really saddens me, when I see what has become of people I once called friends. I feel like giving them a bloody good shake. For goodness sake they were the fastest sperm! Surely that has to mean something, but sadly not. And it’s not that I don’t feel for these people, they are simply no longer a reflection of me anymore. To invite their drama and negativity into my life would tip the fine balance that I have to delicately tend and nurture so I stay a happy and healthy person.
I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to keeping my life busy. I have lists, for lists. Life simply couldn’t go on without me and I have to fit as much into a day as humanly possible. I will often forget that not so long ago I was a very sick person. After surgery I was barely able to walk to the car let alone race around a shopping center. Slowly Ground Hog Day sucks you back into this illusionary world of material happiness and then you get news that slaps you right in the face.
A colleague and friend, someone I consider to be one of the support beams in my life has just been given a terminal cancer diagnosis. This has affected me on so many different levels that I could do nothing but cry for three days. It is just awful to say that my genuinely upsetting photo on facebook reached a ridiculous 2,332 people. I was very touched by the people that left comments and contacted me personally to see if I was okay. The outpouring of support was comforting but I knew I didn’t need ‘to talk it out’. I needed a few days away and some journaling to help me work out my feelings in all of this. This hit to my heart feels like I have been thrown back into a place of fear and despair.
Sometimes the only thing that helps a hurting heart is a paint brush and some loud music. Hug your loved ones tonight peeps. Life can change in a heartbeat xox
My friend has looked after me like a sister and as the years have gone by, we have been able to share more personal experiences inviting each other into parts of our private lives that have forged an emotional sisterhood of sorts. She has seen the birth of my babies, the heartache of my cancer and my slow and steady recovery to wellness. I am so indebted to her and so grateful. She has genuinely cared for me and my family, and now I feel so totally helpless. I am getting a sense of how people felt when they heard of my diagnosis.
I have been of working through my cancer issues for four years now. Constantly and consciously looking inwards and working with the shadow side of myself. Committing to meditation and self awareness classes to release the cancer part of me and to help me become an enlightened version of myself. Dedicating my energy to my art and using that as a healing tool. All the while staying as grounded as I can be with looming genetics and the constant vigil of medical appointments and intrusive procedures. It is very hard for some people to comprehend the hard work and commitment it takes to stay true to your destiny path.
A recent visit to the oncology gynaecologist , which at the moment is on my annual ‘to do’ list revealed that the ‘preventative surgery’ of a full hysterectomy should be done sooner rather than later. My funky MLH1 gene makes way to an increased risk of cancer of the uterus by 60% and ovarian by %15. Part of me wants to hang onto what I have left for as long as possible, if they take much more out I’ll be a walking tube. The other part never wants to put my family in a position of ‘helplessness’ ever again. Of course there is also the part of me that NEVER EVER wants to go through cancer ever again, and then there is the enlighten part that reassures me that my biography becomes by biology and I may never ever get a cancer again. This bamboozle of thoughts and emotions is played out almost every day of my life. Hence the small circle of friendships I keep and the immediate rejection of anything toxic which might want to invade and play out in my life.
Emotional? Yes, I am after all a Cancerian. Sense of humour? Most definitely. It is probably what has helped me get through as much as I have. The security of the support team I had locked around me is starting to shift again and that is where the most fear has come from. It is embracing change and knowing that nothing in life is set in concrete. My heart however still needs to come to terms with what is to come, although my friend has been given the best of a worse case scenario. If I was to make an analogy of the situation it’s like this – most people think that I would be use to all the medical procedures by now, but infact it is quite the opposite. I know what is coming and that is what makes it even harder to deal with.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Mar 25, 2015 | Life Lessons
My personality traits tend to include over-sharing There has been numerous occasions when a little over-sharing has landed me into some warm steamy poop! I can’t help it if I’m the one that points out the elephant in the room. My sense of humor and quick witted sarcasm usually has undertones of truth all over it! So in my caring over sharing way here’s how to recognize those toxic people in your life and how to get rid of them!
No Integrity – People who think it’s okay to treat you badly because they believe there are no consequences for their actions. These people have a complete lack of perception about how what they say, or do, effect other people. If they are aware, then they just don’t give a fat rats and probably fit in the narcissistic personality disorder category. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
Michelle’s over-sharing critique These people are bought into our life to teach us what NOT to accept. If their jealously, bitterness, insecurities or just plain nastiness doesn’t have you running for the door, then RUN FORREST RUN. You do not need these people in your life. You are only there to make them feel better about themselves, not the other way around.
Non Sharers – People who wont tell you where they bought that pretty scarf, give you a copy of a family recipe to chocolate brownies, how they managed a 5 star holiday on a 2 star budget, share business contacts bla bla bla and the list goes on.
Michelle’s over-sharing critique These types of people tend to ask lots of questions and have no problems asking you for information, while their minds are constantly ticking away with their own agendas. They typically change the subject, dodge answering direct questions or give vague responses. ‘I bought it somewhere in the city I think, I can’t remember now’. They can be private, thrifty, people who seem to succeed ALOT. They go on their overseas holiday every other year but won’t share the deals, websites or travel agencies they used. After all, who wouldn’t like to plan a decent family holiday on a budget? I don’t understand these people (that’s because I’m an over-sharer). Maybe they feel they have invested so much time and energy planning this for themselves that they have little desire to share the abundance with others. These people are here to teach us what we don’t want in relationships. A friendship, relationship or partnership is about giving and receiving. There needs to be an equal exchange of energy or it upsets the balance. Stop giving and see what happens. I bet you find the relationship just slips away never to be seen again.
Facebook Stalkers – They never ‘like’ anything. They never comment. They never post, but they raise their ugly stalker heads if they accidentally drop something in conversation and you’re like ‘WTF? How did you know?’ (oh that’s right we’re FB friends). Sometimes they don’t even use their own accounts to do it! “OMG” I hear you say. I know, unbelievable isn’t it! They seem to know everything about you but you know very little if anything about whats going on in their life. They collate information like mini computers and some even use you to start gossip and create drama in your life (gasp). These FB stalkers also THINK they know you. FYI – No you don’t FB Stalkers, you see what I choose to share THAT IS ALL!
Michelle’s over-sharing critique Sometimes these people also fit in the NON SHARER category. I know, scary to think they have a foot in both camps. These people are here to teach us how to use Facebook! RESTRICTED ACCESS PEOPLE. PUBLIC posts limit what you share with these types of people. Understandably sometimes you may use restricted status because you don’t want people at work or school encroaching into your personal life, other times its to just keep the busy bodies out! There is also a DE-FRIEND button. Don’t be afraid to use it.
Last but not least
Boundary breeches – Moochers also fit under this category (Someone who always asks for things and favors constantly and will never leave you alone. They will ask for money, rides to places, for you to do simple tasks they could do easily but they think the whole world should cater to them, basically just a leech to everyone around them, a parasite to the community) . Warning – also watch out for the Non sharers and the No Integrity people. These people feel they have a sense of entitlement, take no personal responsibility for their choices or have no boundaries themselves. All these types of people will encroach on your life taking advantage of your generous giving nature. Sadly they are usually close friends and family who make the most of putting you in extremely uncomfortable situations where you may feel awkward or embarrassed to have to stand your ground and say NO! Just like that overseas relative who was supposed to crash on your couch for a couple of weeks and is still there three months later.
Michelle’s over-sharing critique The takers will continue to take as long as the givers keep on giving. STOP DOING IT! You will be surprised at how the dynamics of this type of relationship will change when you do. The Boundary Breeches may just be No Integrity, Narcissistic Personality Disorder types in ‘sheep’s’ clothing.
Do yourself a favor and start to eliminate these toxic people from your life. Take yourself off the SALE shelf and put up the price tag. You and your time are worth so more, so give it to those that truly value you.
