by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Oct 2, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Updates
Have you ever heard of story fatigue? It’s when you are asked to tell the same story over and over and eventually you get sick of hearing yourself. Apart from having to revisit all the trauma repeatedly, the more times you tell it, the more you can feel detached.
During my recovery, and for a few years after, I had the opportunity to be in the local paper. I was asked to be on a YouTube advertisement for my private health insurer and in their BUPA magazine. I’ve been on community radio, breakfast television and have been on several different podcasts. This is not to brag, it’s just facts and the reason I said yes was all for the purpose of sharing my experiences as a stomach cancer survivor.
I saw myself as a beacon of hope for the 4% of survivors. If I was offered an opportunity, then I wanted to spread my message far and wide. However, story fatigue eventually hit and I remember the day I knew I’d had enough. The next time I was asked to tell my story I wanted to get paid. Not that I ever wanted to make money from my experience, but I needed to somehow put a value on my time. The Wellbeing Magazine was the first paid article I wrote. I didn’t want cancer to be my legacy. Cancer was just the chapter that helped me find my real passion, Art.
Integrating my art with my health is something that needs to be shared. A lot of small business people in the Art Community are there because they have their own health issues. We are among the vulnerable groups in society. We don’t get paid enough for what we do. We get exploited. Our art is stolen and copied by large corporations. We are underappreciated and undervalued. Being an artist can be an incredibly lonely experience because some of us can’t leave our homes to work for someone else, so our online communities are sometimes our best sources of support. In fact I am a bonified Arterbater. I art alone!
I deliberately kept my cancer journey separate from my Art Page. Gastrectomy Connections and Michelle Potter Artist were two completely different parts of myself. Pre 2023, my socials never gave away I was missing half my organs. The irony of all of this, is I’m here again telling my story, because now I’ve got something new to add!
Did you know that a Total Gastrectomy (complete removal of the stomach) and a Whipples procedure (removal of part or entire pancreas) are two of the biggest surgeries to recover from. Most patients in both support groups suffer from major fatigue, weight loss, malnutrition, reactive hypoglycaemia (or in my case also diabetes). We have a much higher risk of bowel blockages, fatigue, pancreatic inefficacy, malnutrition syndrome, fatigue, irritable bowel, early onset osteoporosis, food intolerance, dumping syndrome, iron deficiency, b12 deficiency, diabetes, cancer occurrence and did I mention fatigue? These are facts and things I live with every single day. I don’t expect anyone other than other patients to understand what it takes to function on daily basis, but a bit of compassion and empathy can go a long way. Life for me is like walking a tight rope . Saying no to things is not because I don’t want to do them, it’s that my body doesn’t have the mental or physical capacity to do it. I will no longer compromise myself for the benefit of others. That includes saying no, a lot, which can, and has, and will probably continue to unfortunately make me out to be the villain in someone else’s story.
So how do I honour my story without rehashing the same trauma and keeping within my integrity ? For a start, I have to look at the lessons that are being put in front of me. I resource myself with the right support networks. I utilise the negative aspects of my experiences and transmute them into something creative and positive. I allow myself to feel everything without guilt or judgement. I hold space for rest if I need it and space to create. Most importantly I no longer carry the weight for others, staying in my own lane and out of other peoples drama.
I am not a rescuer and I do not need to be rescued. The best thing I can do for myself and others is to take care of me. I am making meaningful connections with like minded people and when I show up in the world I am promoting things that inspire and bring me joy.
Cancer does not define me. It is just the vehicle that got me to this point. Just as your experiences have got you to yours.
I honour my story by honouring myself and allowing what will be to be.
Michelle Potter
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 20, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Artwork, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Updates
I asked a musician friend of mine how he feels when people request his old songs. It was a question he hadn’t been asked before. After some thought, he told me that most times, he didn’t mind, but he preferred to play his new work.
Someone mentioned to me that they preferred my old abstract work. I can’t deny it; I felt a little insulted. Looking back at some of my old pieces, I’m embarrassed that I sold them and even more surprised that people wanted them. Given the chance I would recycle all the canvases! I’ve never understood how some artists are happy painting the same thing over and over and over for years. The repetitive nature of that would bore me to tears. Art, like music, should evolve with you, but that’s my opinion!
Initially, I posted my paintings on Facebook in an album on my personal profile. Like most mum-start-up businesses, I started with friends and family. I knew someone who worked in a little florist shop, so my paintings also hung on the wall on consignment. I even managed to sell a few.
In those early years, I learnt a few big lessons about shops and consignment paintings, but when you are starting out, you are genuinely grateful for the exposure and a space to sell your work.
Side note: For those unfamiliar with consignment work, an artist can work out a mutual agreement with a shop or space that benefits both parties. In my experience, it is good to have everything in writing so you are all on the same page. Also, be aware that any loss or damage caused to your artwork during its duration in the space may not be covered. For some reason, people like to touch paintings, especially kids with sticky little fingers
Facebook was in its infancy, and as my work started getting traction, I created a business Page called Paintings by Michelle. These were the days when people who liked your Page actually got to see your posts. Abstract was my thing, and the kitchen bench was my workspace. Painting by day and cooking for the family by night. It was good as I had to pack everything up by 4pm before dinner prep. It was also bad as I had to pack every thing up by 4pm before dinner prep!
Creating with molding paste and acrylic paint gave some great textures to the artwork and I really enjoyed being able to experiment. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but I knew that it made me feel good. I didn’t know it then, but I was inviting my inner child to come out and play. An opportunity to be vulnerable, to experiment, to be messy and most of all open up to joy. Selling the art was an extra bonus. At that point in time, I was fully intending to return to the workforce. This was my self-indulgent fun, not a career. Everyone knows that you can’t make money from art….right?
Let’s discuss pushing through the ugly. Every artist knows that all paintings go through an ugly stage. Ugly parts of a painting, ugly parts of life. Same, same but different. It’s one thing to push through the ugly supported and a completely different thing pushing through the ugly on your own. Unfortunately, in 2011, there were not a lot of resources for Stomach cancer patients. I had to look overseas to find groups, and through that, I found other Australians who were going through similar experiences as myself.
Pushing through the ugly gets you out of your comfort zone. I couldn’t find the resources I needed to support myself, so I created one. I called it Support Group for Partial and Total Gastrectomy Patients and later changed the name to Gastrectomy Connections. Through the 12 years I administered the group along with a handful of volunteers, I connected with people all over the world. It became (and still is) an invaluable resource for many people heading into gastric surgery because of cancer or health-related gastrointestinal issues. A few years later, a sister group was started, and between us, we created a combined community of around 3 thousand members. Two years ago, I hung up my admin hat and handed the website and group over to a large not-for-profit in the States. Sometimes, you get to create something that grows so much larger than you, and then it’s your job to let it go, and that’s exactly what I did.
As the saying goes, ‘You grow through what you go through.’ Whether that is a new skill or a life-changing experience, the more you work at it, the more you learn. I really believe that it helped open me up to a more diverse and wider perspective on life, people, and how I viewed the world. If it wasn’t for my cancer, I would not have been prepared for what life had in store for me. It was the groundwork for everything that was to come.
Image Ref : Michelle Potter Artist 2024
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 20, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Artwork, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Updates
When I taught pastel art classes, I would divide beginner students into two categories: bakers and quilters. Like the ‘Pastel Whisperer,’ I would know within minutes what someone’s preferred style of drawing was. It was like a magic trick!
Remember the Swedish chef from the muppets? He would appear to have a plan but by the end of the scene he would have flour all over the place! This Baker type of artist doesn’t mind creative play (mess), and are usually happy to do some free-styling . They generally listen for a short time before the temptation of starting the drawing takes over. By the time we are ready to go they are already in their own creative flow. Call it impatience or intuition (probably a bit of both), these artists love colour, the more the better. They are less likely to procrastinate over mistakes, rather, learning to fix things as they go. They may love or hate what they create, but have fun getting there. Most first time bakers are remarkably surprised at what they can achieve.
Then there is a Quilter artist. These artists love step by step instructions. They listen intently, and if they could follow a PDF and a power point presentation at the same time, even better! They will only use the colours I suggest, give or take a shade, and they love symmetry. They like to be precise and don’t necessarily want to look outside the box, they want to draw the box. They like to envision the outcome. They replace spontaneity with perfectionism, and stumbling blocks are as red as stop signs. If a quilter makes a mistake it takes a lot of self control not start again. They create their best work if given the space and time to complete the task, which in a class environment can be tricky. They are very critical of their own work and can have a great deal of trouble getting out of their own heads. Satisfied but knowing they can do better next time, most quilters underestimate how good their first pastel painting is.
The good news is a baker can refine their art like a quilter and a quilter can loosen up and become a bit more of a baker. All both types of beginner artists need is a willingness to learn. Just add all the P’s into the mix, patience, perseverance, persistence and practice! In case you haven’t guessed already, I started off as a baker!
I always loved art days and my art teacher Mrs Lewis. We would wear our little art smocks and walk up the corridor in two lines. The smell of clag (pasty white glue) and student paint became the most exciting part of my week. A room where I could escape into another world for a while.
I remember a day we were all drawing in class. Pretty sure I was drawing a Toby mug. My horrible stepdad was an avid collector and had made our family room look more like a museum when he moved all his stuff in. I remember being terribly proud of what I’d done. When I put my hand up to let my teacher know I’d finished I was beaming with pride. I thought for sure she was going to tell me how good it was. Instead she did what no art teacher should ever do. She got her pencil and without asking she drew on my paper. A line here and a line there she managed to destroyed my art. Well I exaggerate, she probably didn’t destroy it however at the time I was left feeling really angry and disappointed.
I had spent all class on this piece and in my eyes she’d managed to ruin it with a few pencil lines. This day I learned that it is NEVER okay to touch someone else’s work without asking for their permission first.
As frustrating as it can be, part of the learning process is to fix things (obviously under instruction if you are in a learning environment) by yourself. Some students prefer help but I really encourage them to do it themselves just as Lynn mentored me. Not many people are born with amazing natural talent. If you want to become a good artist you need to train your ‘artists’ eyes to see things that muggles can’t! Encouraging and instructing a student rather that ‘fixing’ their work leaves them with a much better sense of self satisfaction and accomplishment. Frustration and pushing through the ugly stages of a painting is part of the process.
When I picked up that first pastel in Lynn’s class I was overwhelmed with everything that I needed to learn. One thing I had to remember was I was a beginner and we all have to start somewhere. All too often beginners compare their start to someone else’s finish and I was no different.
The baker artist in me had to slow down. I needed to be patient and kind to myself. I had to listen, practice and learn the basics. Similarly I had to slow down and learn how to eat again after my stomach cancer surgery. Everything needed to be chopped down into achievable bite-size pieces. In fact when I first got home for hospital all I could manage was an ice cube tray portion at a time. Literally, my life was reflected in art.
My biggest inner battle was knowing I had been gifted this second chance at life and I didn’t want to waste a precious moment by slowing down. Could I ever put my fear aside always knowing that the other foot could drop? Maybe there was more to this art stuff than I had thought.
One of the big lessons I learned through my first cancer was there was very little I could control. I had to lean into trust and become as vulnerable as I had ever been. My art however gave me a sense of self that I had never experienced. I was healing, discovering and opening myself up to a different type of vulnerability. It felt odd to find joy amongst so much turmoil and suffering. It helped me regain some control and focus while my body no longer cooperated with me, as my friendships had a huge overhaul and my grief spilled over. My anger and sadness about what was being taken away from me started to disappear with the kilos.
Discovering my new normal was like leaning how to walk all over again and was the hardest and most difficult recoveries I have ever had to endure. Learning a new skill that I could control was a blessing during some of my darkest days.
Image Ref: https://themuppets.tumblr.com/post/150975848319/so-you-know-the-swedish-chef-makes-his-famous
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jun 16, 2024 | Artwork, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Spiritual Guidance, Stomach Cancer, Updates
Hello and welcome to my Substack
Some of you may have been following me through my website or blogger posts, ‘ Unequivocally Me’. I have decided to move onto this platform as it is a little more flexible regarding features. At the moment, all my content will be free, and I may, down the track, have some additional reads for subscribers only.
I thought I would reintroduce myself to those who don’t know me or would like to get reacquainted.
My name is Michelle, and I am a full time Artist from Melbourne, Australia. I have been married for 20 years and have two children. I am also a step-mum to my husband’s girls since they were teeny tiny. I have had many professions throughout my lifetime and discovered the ‘artist within’ when I was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the age of 39 in 2011. Due to the nature of my surgery and recovery, I had to relearn how to do many things, including what life was going to look like with a few missing organs.
Travelling through the last 13 years has been an enormous learning experience. I have gained an unfathomable amount of knowledge about how my body works, what I am truly capable of and how critical kindness and community is. It has been nothing short of a colossal initiation into what my life should have always been. I thought I had it licked! Number 13, lucky for some and all that. Well, the Universe wasn’t entirely done with me.
The same week I was sharing my cancerversary on socials, I was heading back in for scans as part of my yearly cancer screening. You guessed it, pancreatic cancer. I can’t say I was surprised as my fatigue had hit an all-time high. Fortunately for me, my spider senses were already tingling. I’d started working with a dietitian and a diabetic educator in October 2022 and was only a few weeks away from seeing an endocrinologist. I knew my body was up to something, and I made sure my concerns were being heard.
This diagnosis has come with some new challenges, as well as circling back over some old trauma just to make sure I’d learned my lessons. I have come away from the experience with a renewed sense of wisdom and understanding, and amongst the chaos, there has been my constant – art.
My intention with this blog is to share what I have been through and how I have navigated the trickier parts of life. How my use of creativity and art has had the power to heal, inspire, and transform me. By sharing my journey and experiences with art as therapy, I hope to inspire others to embark on their own path of self-discovery and healing through creative expression.
My purpose is to live an authentic life. I want to continue to support and empower others just by being me. We can all harness the healing power of art to navigate life’s challenges.
I hope you’ll join me.
Michelle xx
If you are reading this blog from my website please consider subscribing to my free content over on Substack.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 3, 2019 | Cancer, Life Lessons, Stomach Cancer
Fifteen years ago I became a mum. I left the workforce and became a full time stay at home parent. Still wanting to keep my mind active I studied to become a swimming teacher but ended up paying more out in childcare fees than my actual wage. When my second baby arrived I decided to put my work life on hold until he was a little more independent. That was 11 years ago. When my youngest was heading off to four year old kindergarten I thought great, now I can get back into work and start contributing to the household finances, then I was diagnosed with cancer. That was 7 years ago.
Over the last seven years I have worked a casual job which ended rather abruptly after I had a dumping episode. Unfortunately a side effect of living without a stomach and a boss who was not willing to compromise. I’ve also done contract work but the pay and the hour and 20 minute round trip wasn’t even covering my petrol. Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of pluses. I get to stay at home, attend children’s events at school, dont have to compromise my boss if any of the kids are home sick, volunteer my time to the school community, eat when I want, rest when I want, go out when I want and work on my art portfolio. Its like being on one big holiday only there is no sightseeing or spending money and you have to motivate yourself to get out of bed every single day.
Sacrificing all the things that come with working full time and being able to up skill in the creative sense has been the most selfish and fulfilling part of being at home. Launching a website and Page on Facebook, doing commissioned art pieces for people all over the world. Pushing myself on a daily basis to be better, to be more visible, to extend my experiences into meditation classes, art classes, craft workshops. Advertising, daily posts, sticking flyers up around local shops. Expand, expand, expand, doing what I love in the hope that I can not only help others but give my family the financial freedom we so desire. Here I am nearly eight years down the track and I feel like a bit of a failure. I am so tired. So tired of trying to balance my health, my family, my support page and my business. So tired of feeling guilty for not being able to financially contribute to the family income, so tired of feeling I am not where I thought I would be. Watching others around me so motivated, meditating daily for blasts of inspiring feel good posts, feeling into the rhythm of the universe and working with the cycles of the moon, bla bla bla, plastering positivity all over their social media, watching friends who have their shit together and feeling I could be doing more, I should be doing more, I need to be seeing and being more. But I can’t because I am SO TIRED of trying and failing. Seriously, there are only so many times you can pick yourself up before you have to stop and reevaluate your entire life and the current direction you are facing. And now a quiet pause…….
“Hey Spirit, here is your opportunity to send that big bolt of
lightening I have been waiting for.”
I can understand why so many amazing Artists simply give up trying to make a living from their Art. I really wanted to be the exception. After all I am a walking miracle and by all accounts I shouldn’t be alive right now. Should’nt that mean something? Didn’t God let me live so that I could see out a much greater purpose? I thought I’d been grasping life by the big kahunas to create the successful abundant life I deserve, but I haven’t succeeded and being granted a second chance at life doesn’t make me special, it just makes me extremely lucky. My life holds no more value than anyone else’s. My experiences certainly make me look at life with a different perspective and I always look for every possibility. If I didn’t I could possibly be the most miserable person on the planet. Here’s a depiction of me looking miserable with a pair of useless big kahunas.
Is there a part of me that has had a sense of entitlement that because I survived that makes me somehow special? Reality check …… I think there might have been. My shadow just got a big slap in face and knows this is a complete fabrication to cover up any insecurities and fear around lack and acceptance. Getting through cancer doesn’t make me special, it makes me a liability. Lets face it letting a few organs go is going to compromise a lot of things and those that say it was a small price to pay to survive, well lets just say that comment is not helpful. They have absolutely no comprehension what price I have had to pay and continue to pay for everyday of my life. I simply do not have the capacity to work full time anymore. I don’t even know how I will cope part time. If I disclose the reasons for the gap in my of employment then I can almost guarantee that no matter how experienced I am or how much of a kind competent person I maybe, my resume will be cast aside quicker than yesterday’s newspaper. Let’s just look at the term cast aside for a moment. Abandoned, unwanted, undervalued, overlooked, ignored, forgotten, unused, depreciated, declined, passed over. Ever fiber in my being fights these words every single day, consciously and unconsciously. PTSD is very real in my world and it comes out in various ways, some of them extremely healing and creative and some not so constructive.
What does success look like anyway?
A large social media following? – These people probably have no time for anything else or they have lots of people working for them so stop comparing.
A healthy bank account? – Who doesn’t want an endless supply of cash but think about all of the things that are sacrificed in order to have this, including being with the most important people in your life.
A balanced body? – This is hard work in every sense of the word.
A great job? – Whats that? Unless you are extremely fortunate to love what you do or work for yourself in which case there are also big sacrifices.
Holidays? – That was nice for all of three seconds, now go chain yourself back to your desk in a job you hate with people you don’t really like but have to tolerate so you can save up for your next holiday.
Healthy relationships? – Saying no, creating boundaries, letting toxic people go no matter how much it hurts – did I also mention hard work.
Lots of friends? – The more friends you have the more drama you are likely to be pulled into – keep your circle small.
OR
Just the fact that you have somewhere soft and warm to sleep with food in your cupboards? – Some may call that gratitude others might call that living in survival energy. Either way it’s all a matter of perspective.
I am also under no illusion that what people post is what they want you to see. Most people do not want other people to see that they are not coping, that their marriage is falling apart, that they cant afford to feed themselves, there are bills on the fridge they cant pay, that their health is failing, that their job is taking a mental and physical toll on their well-being and that life can sometimes be really tough. A beautiful made up face and cute baby photos do not equate to a good sleep and a well adjusted baby! All the misconceptions and in-authenticity out there in social media land causes a ripple of self doubt and anxiety that we all should be more that what we are or what we are capable of achieving. One big Snap chat filter so the world never has to see the real us. Even the most positive posts can be full of falseness and fishing for more likes or comments. Ive seen it happen in groups where people strategically reply over several days to comments on posts to bring their post back up to the top of the page for more exposure. It happens and these people are sprinkling spirituality out of their calculating fingertips. Sometimes I cant work out if I admire their enterprising genius or despise their disingenuous. Like it or not social media is such an integrated part of our daily lives that it plays a part in what I consider part of my success and some days like today I am just as messed up as the next person.
As I approach my eight year cancer free I am also contemplating what the future holds for me. But for today I do nothing but write as my head hurts from projecting, my heart aches from my past failures, my body is completely and utterly exhausted and my soul is so so tired. I know this shall pass and when the waves of emotion retreat I will have found another spark of inspiration from God knows where and a renewed sense of hope for better more abundant days to come. If there is one thing I love about me its the fact that I can recognize when I need to stop, retreat and give myself the time to reinvent myself. Kind of like Madonna but without her bank account!
When life gives you lemons, you say F?@k lemonade. Then google every single recipe you can using lemons!
Michelle <3
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Feb 5, 2019 | Cancer, Life Lessons, Stomach Cancer
What do you do when the best version of yourself is never enough for someone else?
This belief pattern started when I was eight years old. My mum met and married a man after a whirlwind romance. My father’s replacement would literally put his hand out and hold me at arm’s length when I went to give him a hug. This rejection caused my little heart to cry with despair. After losing my father to cancer a couple of years prior all I was looking for was his unconditional love and affection. I couldn’t change want I wanted, I was just a kid.
I fell in love at twenty and married a man whose attention was anywhere other than the relationship he had committed to. Reinforcing the belief that the best version of me was not worth loving and was never going to be good enough for anyone.
My second husband and I met at work. As like attracts like, we were thrown together by the Universe with our pending divorces and emotional distress. After a few false starts we decided to try and make a go of it. Here’s the irony, I thought he was the one that came with baggage! I had cut ties from my ex and saw myself as a childless, free spirit ready to explore the world of the Thirty somethings. Whereas he came with two young children, parents steeped in tradition and an ex-wife, who for the sake of the children was still very much in the picture.
With the addition of two impressionable girls into my life I did not want to repeat the experiences I had as a child. So, I always went over and above to make them feel comfortable, welcome and loved. You could say at that time I had a Wonder Woman complex. If I wasn’t organized, then I couldn’t control the outcome. If I couldn’t control the outcome, well that thought was terrifying. I was conscious of needing to feel accepted and I was literally stuck in a pattern of old belief systems that were self-destructive. I was on a collision course heading for disaster.
Eleven years into our relationship I was diagnosed with stomach cancer. At the time circumstances would have it that neither of my step daughters wanted a relationship with me. I felt totally and utterly defeated. A crescendo of years’ worth of self-sacrifice and desperation to be loved. The ultra-best version of me was never going to be good enough, ever. So where did this leave me? What lesson was I not learning here? Why did each karmic challenge seem more heart wrenching and harder to pull through? This one contributing to and almost costing me my life.
The original wound of my eight-year-old self was still playing out and cancer was my opportunity to fully awaken and see things very clearly. It was never about the people that rejected me, they were just the mirror of what I didn’t want to see in myself. Being brave enough to confront my old beliefs allowed me to understand that I have purpose and no longer needed to look outside of myself for love, acceptance or validation.
I love my authentic self and thank my teachers in life for helping me find her.
Michelle Potter
Visionary Artist
