C’est la vie to 2021.
What started as a slow return to normal quickly turned into a round of dodge ball at the supermarket, avoiding all eye contact with masked faces because the last thing I needed was someone downloading on me in the middle of isle 4.
The isolation for myself and my kids simply got too much and I found myself increasingly concerned about their mental health, unsuccessfully grappling for resources to try and help support them.
Manageable self-care routines went out the window when Allied Health Services had to close to all but emergency cases. This turned the usual aches and pains into chronic conditions which are now going to take months to repair.
Lock down 6 admittedly broke me. If I haven’t messaged you for a while it’s because I have had nothing left to give. Literally. The give in my clothes finally gave out and now I have a wardrobe full of things I can no longer wear. Let me tell you, this is no mean feat for a girl with no stomach.
The prolonged stress and emotional weight has been overwhelming and this is from someone who has done years and years of shadow work. Believe me, I have had all the spiritual resources at my fingertips and I have still struggled through this 18months.
Some days my sense of humor is the only thing that’s has kept me from a total meltdown and even that has managed to get me in trouble.
This post is not about seeking sympathy, support or advise. I just want you to know it’s okay not be okay, no matter how ‘awoke’ you are. This new world is still taking shape and there will be no going back to the old ways. It is a huge time of grieving in so many ways. We will all have to find our place again and that might mean a big change in direction.
Some days it’s just about getting up and having a shower. For those mums in the room, remember bringing that newborn home? Those few minutes you get to run some cold water on your face or actually get changed out of your pajamas.
Some days are going to be about the small wins. Bringing your energy in and simply saying ‘no, I can’t do that today.’ And being okay with that. Loosing the guilt behind trying to be everything to everyone. It’s hard enough carrying your own burdens without the weight of others.
Allow yourself to create space just because you can and you should.
On a personal note this also means that I have pulled back from several social media platforms, groups and friendships. I need to do what is best for my mental health and that includes not being a part of other peoples agendas or listening to others opinions.
Where does this leave me? I simply do not know. I have not been able to regain my pre lockdown energy and drive to make things successful. After 9 years I have made the tough decision to hand over my Gastrectomy Connections Site to a much larger organisation in the hopes that they will have the drive and resources to give it everything it deserves. It’s time to let some big things go
It is way past due for some karmic separation with things and people that no longer align with me. So as we enter this last month of 2021 I will be addressing all that needs to be addressed so I can walk into next year with some clarity around what lays ahead for me. I am choosing to surrender to the process.
I hope you’ll hang around but I understand if you don’t. We are meant to change and evolving is part of the process.
