by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Oct 2, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Updates
Have you ever heard of story fatigue? It’s when you are asked to tell the same story over and over and eventually you get sick of hearing yourself. Apart from having to revisit all the trauma repeatedly, the more times you tell it, the more you can feel detached.
During my recovery, and for a few years after, I had the opportunity to be in the local paper. I was asked to be on a YouTube advertisement for my private health insurer and in their BUPA magazine. I’ve been on community radio, breakfast television and have been on several different podcasts. This is not to brag, it’s just facts and the reason I said yes was all for the purpose of sharing my experiences as a stomach cancer survivor.
I saw myself as a beacon of hope for the 4% of survivors. If I was offered an opportunity, then I wanted to spread my message far and wide. However, story fatigue eventually hit and I remember the day I knew I’d had enough. The next time I was asked to tell my story I wanted to get paid. Not that I ever wanted to make money from my experience, but I needed to somehow put a value on my time. The Wellbeing Magazine was the first paid article I wrote. I didn’t want cancer to be my legacy. Cancer was just the chapter that helped me find my real passion, Art.
Integrating my art with my health is something that needs to be shared. A lot of small business people in the Art Community are there because they have their own health issues. We are among the vulnerable groups in society. We don’t get paid enough for what we do. We get exploited. Our art is stolen and copied by large corporations. We are underappreciated and undervalued. Being an artist can be an incredibly lonely experience because some of us can’t leave our homes to work for someone else, so our online communities are sometimes our best sources of support. In fact I am a bonified Arterbater. I art alone!
I deliberately kept my cancer journey separate from my Art Page. Gastrectomy Connections and Michelle Potter Artist were two completely different parts of myself. Pre 2023, my socials never gave away I was missing half my organs. The irony of all of this, is I’m here again telling my story, because now I’ve got something new to add!
Did you know that a Total Gastrectomy (complete removal of the stomach) and a Whipples procedure (removal of part or entire pancreas) are two of the biggest surgeries to recover from. Most patients in both support groups suffer from major fatigue, weight loss, malnutrition, reactive hypoglycaemia (or in my case also diabetes). We have a much higher risk of bowel blockages, fatigue, pancreatic inefficacy, malnutrition syndrome, fatigue, irritable bowel, early onset osteoporosis, food intolerance, dumping syndrome, iron deficiency, b12 deficiency, diabetes, cancer occurrence and did I mention fatigue? These are facts and things I live with every single day. I don’t expect anyone other than other patients to understand what it takes to function on daily basis, but a bit of compassion and empathy can go a long way. Life for me is like walking a tight rope . Saying no to things is not because I don’t want to do them, it’s that my body doesn’t have the mental or physical capacity to do it. I will no longer compromise myself for the benefit of others. That includes saying no, a lot, which can, and has, and will probably continue to unfortunately make me out to be the villain in someone else’s story.
So how do I honour my story without rehashing the same trauma and keeping within my integrity ? For a start, I have to look at the lessons that are being put in front of me. I resource myself with the right support networks. I utilise the negative aspects of my experiences and transmute them into something creative and positive. I allow myself to feel everything without guilt or judgement. I hold space for rest if I need it and space to create. Most importantly I no longer carry the weight for others, staying in my own lane and out of other peoples drama.
I am not a rescuer and I do not need to be rescued. The best thing I can do for myself and others is to take care of me. I am making meaningful connections with like minded people and when I show up in the world I am promoting things that inspire and bring me joy.
Cancer does not define me. It is just the vehicle that got me to this point. Just as your experiences have got you to yours.
I honour my story by honouring myself and allowing what will be to be.
Michelle Potter
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Aug 27, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Artwork, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Updates
It was 2012, I was asked to be part of advertisement from my health insurer BUPA Australia. The film maker was genuinely interested in my story. We met up for coffee after my interview and he was discussing my art. He said “I don’t want to see whats in here” pointing to his head, “I want to see what you can do from here”, pointing to his heart.
It had been several months after my surgery and hadn’t yet started pastel art classes. Up until this time I thought I was painting from my heart, so I was a bit confused. I had started a painting of a peacock and it sat untouched for two years after this coffee catch up. Yes. it took another 2 years worth of arting before I truly understand what he meant!
The start of my peacock painting.
Part of the creative, learning, pathway is finding your authenticity. Your style, your mark, your reason. Something that defines you as an artist.
As a beginner, which I was at the time, I was copying from other artists. A bit from here and a bit from there, and there is nothing wrong with that, as we all have to start somewhere. I still take courses from other artists and absolutely love it, it keeps my creative flow going without the brain power. However the only way to find your own style is through an openness to learn and lots of practice.
There is a real vulnerability in trying something new. What if I fail? What if my art is crap? What if people laugh at me? What if people tell me I’m wasting my time? Am I wasting my time? Am I too old to learn something new? I don’t really have what it takes? I’m sure there has been a time in every one’s life when you may have said things like this to yourself.
Let’s look from a slightly different perspective. What if I’m really good at this? What have I got to lose by trying? What if this opens doors for me that I never thought possible? Does this make me feel good? Does this challenge me? Do, I really care what anyone else thinks? Does it light me up inside? And also in my case- What if I have been given a second chance and I don’t use it?
One thing I never thought I would get out of my cancer experience, was a real sense of joy, strength and determination.
Old Michelle lacked self confidence. She would never step too far out of her comfort zone (this was her self protection mechanism). She would self sabotage. This included lots of negative self talk. She never did anything if she thought she would fail at it. She struggled with boundaries and communication. She craved ‘me time’ but in a negative destructive drunk teenager kind of way. She was pretty angry and frustrated with life and swallowed that shit down like hot lava. (Honestly I’m not surprised the cancer ended up in my stomach). All smiles on the outside, but on the inside she was really, really unhappy.
Here I was thinking the world was conspiring against me and then BAM! You want out, here’s your opportunity. You want to be skinny, you don’t know what skinny is. You want your life to be completely different, hold on baby you’re in for one hell of a ride. WARNING: Be careful what you wish for.
Cancer gives you an opportunity to review your life. Parts of you are left exposed. Parts of you are vulnerable. Parts are angry, confused, grieving and at the same time new parts start to open up. You find gratitude in small gestures and the kindness of strangers. Points of unbearable pain make you appreciate just being able to wake up and have an unaided shower. If you embrace the unknown journey ahead then you can gain great insight and clarity into your own life. In among the chaos you have an opportunity to find your authentic self. Difficult times make you stretch further than you think is humanly possible. This is why, I believe, you have your biggest growth during your toughest times.
My art journey started because when I got creative, it made me feel good. Taking the next step and going to class helped me connect with other artists as well as helping me learn the basics. It was a big step to do something just for me. I had two primary age children at home and a lot of responsibility when my husband went back to work after my illness. But I quickly started to realise that it was really important that I make time for me. I wasn’t just a wife, mother and step mum. Before all that responsibility entered my life, I was just Michelle, me. Now I had to navigate what life looked like without a stomach. I had to rediscover who I was again and what was my new normal. Surly if I could learn how to live without a stomach I could learn a new craft?
I like that my styles and mediums can change, as long as I embrace my authentic self while discovering it.
My first reminder is to do what lights me up. If it’s painting one week and pottery the next then that’s what it is. The world needs butterflies as much as it needs bees (metaphorically that is).
My second reminder is to create for the pure pleasure of doing it. When the tide goes out on a project, just let it go! It’s bound to come back in again and when it does you’ll have lots of new ideas to add to it.
My third thing to reminder is that I know who I am and what I’m good at, and I don’t need any outside validation to feel good about myself. I will find my tribe and they will find me.
Remember there is enough work out there for everyone. If you use somebody’s artwork for inspiration then make sure that you credit them. If you do a class with another artist, then make sure you credit them. If you love another artist work, make sure that you share their work and credit them. If you share an image on your socials, well you get the idea, credit the artist!
The art community is a small community and if we can help each other and build each other up then maybe we can inspire others to get creative as well.
Win-win.
The world needs more artists.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Aug 11, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Blogs
Let’s rewind to wear it all began.
I was only 6 years old when my father died and I remember those early weeks quite distinctly. Dad had bowel cancer and from diagnosis to his passing was about 4 months. One day he got sick and the next day he was gone.
Everyone bought me gifts. Passing mourners that entered our home brought me something nice, shiny and new. I was never a spoilt child and these sorts of presents were normally reserved for Christmas and birthdays. I was supposed to be sad wasn’t I? How could I possibly be sad when I had all these wonderful new toys to distract me. It was a very emotionally confusing time for me.
The morning of the funeral, I recall my grandparents pulling up the driveway quite early. I was excited because Grandad was here and it wasn’t even the weekend. He was all dressed up in his suit and tie. My Nan never got out of the car, and my excitement was short-lived as I also saw the neighbour, who always ate the best biscuits when she babysat, trundling up behind. Then Mum said goodbye and left. I remember watching them leave in Grandad’s car and feeling terrible and confused about the whole thing.
I cannot recall them telling me they were burying my Dad that day because that would be something I would definitely remember. I was just annoyed and confused that they had gone somewhere without me, and I was left in the house with the lady from around the corner who would tie her kid to the clothesline by his child harness.
Mum wanted me to remember Dad the way he was, not laying in a box, and as a parent we all have to make terribly difficult decisions. But I never had a chance to say goodbye. I never even had a chance to grieve. I carried that grief with me for over 30 years until I lost my second pregnancy at 11 weeks. The impact of well-meaning decisions around my father’s death influenced so much of my life. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realised how important it was that, no matter how hard, little humans also need a space to grieve.
As adults, we do everything possible to protect our children from the hurts and pain of the world, but it catches up. It’s not something that ever goes away until we are faced to deal with it differently. I spent many many years grieving the loss of my father instead of praising the effects and hard work of my mother. It was always about the loss for me. The Dad who didn’t come to special Father’s Day events. The Dad that couldn’t walk me down the aisle. The Dad I couldn’t hug and confide in because, well, he was dead. All I had for many years was a plague in a crematorium and no closure.
The void this created was a severe sense of lack. My mother became fiercely independent, and to her credit, we never went without. I may have grown up on second-hand clothes and Vegemite sandwiches, but we never went hungry, we always had clothes, and we always had a roof over our heads.
Losing a father figure at a very young age changed the course of my life and it hasn’t been all bad. Pain can bring out the worst and the best in some people. Not all people that are hurting hurt people.
Art has taught me how to express emotion productively and positively. Take my latest ‘Art with Heart’ cards as an example. I needed a constructive way to view my situation when I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I knew exactly what the negative self-talk was telling me, and sometimes, it was dressed up with pretty clothes and lipstick. This is why the negative side of these cards looks attractive and colourful, not dark and foreboding.
It’s a tough journey taking a good hard look in the mirror and recognising everything that needs to change within ourselves. The ego is designed to protect us and sometimes it takes a hard life lesson or two to knock us back on the right path.
Cancer turns you inside out. It affects everything and everyone around you. I believe my stomach cancer was my massive initiation into my life’s purpose. My more recent cancer diagnosis was to just make sure I’d learned my lessons. There are still lessons as part of this process, but I’m pretty confident I’m done.
I got it loud and clear.
Boundaries, non judgment, forgiveness.
Done done done.
Please, Universe, let me be done. I’ll be quite happy to shine right up until my number is up.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 20, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Artwork, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Updates
I asked a musician friend of mine how he feels when people request his old songs. It was a question he hadn’t been asked before. After some thought, he told me that most times, he didn’t mind, but he preferred to play his new work.
Someone mentioned to me that they preferred my old abstract work. I can’t deny it; I felt a little insulted. Looking back at some of my old pieces, I’m embarrassed that I sold them and even more surprised that people wanted them. Given the chance I would recycle all the canvases! I’ve never understood how some artists are happy painting the same thing over and over and over for years. The repetitive nature of that would bore me to tears. Art, like music, should evolve with you, but that’s my opinion!
Initially, I posted my paintings on Facebook in an album on my personal profile. Like most mum-start-up businesses, I started with friends and family. I knew someone who worked in a little florist shop, so my paintings also hung on the wall on consignment. I even managed to sell a few.
In those early years, I learnt a few big lessons about shops and consignment paintings, but when you are starting out, you are genuinely grateful for the exposure and a space to sell your work.
Side note: For those unfamiliar with consignment work, an artist can work out a mutual agreement with a shop or space that benefits both parties. In my experience, it is good to have everything in writing so you are all on the same page. Also, be aware that any loss or damage caused to your artwork during its duration in the space may not be covered. For some reason, people like to touch paintings, especially kids with sticky little fingers
Facebook was in its infancy, and as my work started getting traction, I created a business Page called Paintings by Michelle. These were the days when people who liked your Page actually got to see your posts. Abstract was my thing, and the kitchen bench was my workspace. Painting by day and cooking for the family by night. It was good as I had to pack everything up by 4pm before dinner prep. It was also bad as I had to pack every thing up by 4pm before dinner prep!
Creating with molding paste and acrylic paint gave some great textures to the artwork and I really enjoyed being able to experiment. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but I knew that it made me feel good. I didn’t know it then, but I was inviting my inner child to come out and play. An opportunity to be vulnerable, to experiment, to be messy and most of all open up to joy. Selling the art was an extra bonus. At that point in time, I was fully intending to return to the workforce. This was my self-indulgent fun, not a career. Everyone knows that you can’t make money from art….right?
Let’s discuss pushing through the ugly. Every artist knows that all paintings go through an ugly stage. Ugly parts of a painting, ugly parts of life. Same, same but different. It’s one thing to push through the ugly supported and a completely different thing pushing through the ugly on your own. Unfortunately, in 2011, there were not a lot of resources for Stomach cancer patients. I had to look overseas to find groups, and through that, I found other Australians who were going through similar experiences as myself.
Pushing through the ugly gets you out of your comfort zone. I couldn’t find the resources I needed to support myself, so I created one. I called it Support Group for Partial and Total Gastrectomy Patients and later changed the name to Gastrectomy Connections. Through the 12 years I administered the group along with a handful of volunteers, I connected with people all over the world. It became (and still is) an invaluable resource for many people heading into gastric surgery because of cancer or health-related gastrointestinal issues. A few years later, a sister group was started, and between us, we created a combined community of around 3 thousand members. Two years ago, I hung up my admin hat and handed the website and group over to a large not-for-profit in the States. Sometimes, you get to create something that grows so much larger than you, and then it’s your job to let it go, and that’s exactly what I did.
As the saying goes, ‘You grow through what you go through.’ Whether that is a new skill or a life-changing experience, the more you work at it, the more you learn. I really believe that it helped open me up to a more diverse and wider perspective on life, people, and how I viewed the world. If it wasn’t for my cancer, I would not have been prepared for what life had in store for me. It was the groundwork for everything that was to come.
Image Ref : Michelle Potter Artist 2024
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 20, 2024 | Art as Therapy, Artwork, Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Updates
When I taught pastel art classes, I would divide beginner students into two categories: bakers and quilters. Like the ‘Pastel Whisperer,’ I would know within minutes what someone’s preferred style of drawing was. It was like a magic trick!
Remember the Swedish chef from the muppets? He would appear to have a plan but by the end of the scene he would have flour all over the place! This Baker type of artist doesn’t mind creative play (mess), and are usually happy to do some free-styling . They generally listen for a short time before the temptation of starting the drawing takes over. By the time we are ready to go they are already in their own creative flow. Call it impatience or intuition (probably a bit of both), these artists love colour, the more the better. They are less likely to procrastinate over mistakes, rather, learning to fix things as they go. They may love or hate what they create, but have fun getting there. Most first time bakers are remarkably surprised at what they can achieve.
Then there is a Quilter artist. These artists love step by step instructions. They listen intently, and if they could follow a PDF and a power point presentation at the same time, even better! They will only use the colours I suggest, give or take a shade, and they love symmetry. They like to be precise and don’t necessarily want to look outside the box, they want to draw the box. They like to envision the outcome. They replace spontaneity with perfectionism, and stumbling blocks are as red as stop signs. If a quilter makes a mistake it takes a lot of self control not start again. They create their best work if given the space and time to complete the task, which in a class environment can be tricky. They are very critical of their own work and can have a great deal of trouble getting out of their own heads. Satisfied but knowing they can do better next time, most quilters underestimate how good their first pastel painting is.
The good news is a baker can refine their art like a quilter and a quilter can loosen up and become a bit more of a baker. All both types of beginner artists need is a willingness to learn. Just add all the P’s into the mix, patience, perseverance, persistence and practice! In case you haven’t guessed already, I started off as a baker!
I always loved art days and my art teacher Mrs Lewis. We would wear our little art smocks and walk up the corridor in two lines. The smell of clag (pasty white glue) and student paint became the most exciting part of my week. A room where I could escape into another world for a while.
I remember a day we were all drawing in class. Pretty sure I was drawing a Toby mug. My horrible stepdad was an avid collector and had made our family room look more like a museum when he moved all his stuff in. I remember being terribly proud of what I’d done. When I put my hand up to let my teacher know I’d finished I was beaming with pride. I thought for sure she was going to tell me how good it was. Instead she did what no art teacher should ever do. She got her pencil and without asking she drew on my paper. A line here and a line there she managed to destroyed my art. Well I exaggerate, she probably didn’t destroy it however at the time I was left feeling really angry and disappointed.
I had spent all class on this piece and in my eyes she’d managed to ruin it with a few pencil lines. This day I learned that it is NEVER okay to touch someone else’s work without asking for their permission first.
As frustrating as it can be, part of the learning process is to fix things (obviously under instruction if you are in a learning environment) by yourself. Some students prefer help but I really encourage them to do it themselves just as Lynn mentored me. Not many people are born with amazing natural talent. If you want to become a good artist you need to train your ‘artists’ eyes to see things that muggles can’t! Encouraging and instructing a student rather that ‘fixing’ their work leaves them with a much better sense of self satisfaction and accomplishment. Frustration and pushing through the ugly stages of a painting is part of the process.
When I picked up that first pastel in Lynn’s class I was overwhelmed with everything that I needed to learn. One thing I had to remember was I was a beginner and we all have to start somewhere. All too often beginners compare their start to someone else’s finish and I was no different.
The baker artist in me had to slow down. I needed to be patient and kind to myself. I had to listen, practice and learn the basics. Similarly I had to slow down and learn how to eat again after my stomach cancer surgery. Everything needed to be chopped down into achievable bite-size pieces. In fact when I first got home for hospital all I could manage was an ice cube tray portion at a time. Literally, my life was reflected in art.
My biggest inner battle was knowing I had been gifted this second chance at life and I didn’t want to waste a precious moment by slowing down. Could I ever put my fear aside always knowing that the other foot could drop? Maybe there was more to this art stuff than I had thought.
One of the big lessons I learned through my first cancer was there was very little I could control. I had to lean into trust and become as vulnerable as I had ever been. My art however gave me a sense of self that I had never experienced. I was healing, discovering and opening myself up to a different type of vulnerability. It felt odd to find joy amongst so much turmoil and suffering. It helped me regain some control and focus while my body no longer cooperated with me, as my friendships had a huge overhaul and my grief spilled over. My anger and sadness about what was being taken away from me started to disappear with the kilos.
Discovering my new normal was like leaning how to walk all over again and was the hardest and most difficult recoveries I have ever had to endure. Learning a new skill that I could control was a blessing during some of my darkest days.
Image Ref: https://themuppets.tumblr.com/post/150975848319/so-you-know-the-swedish-chef-makes-his-famous
